Consultation

     I had my blood test and met with Dr. Awadalla. He said that my cervix is very narrow and tight and he recommends having a procedure to open it up. It is called a hysteroscopy, and he said that I will be asleep for the procedure, which will be done at Christ Hospital.
   My hormone level dropped down to two.
   Tonight, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and out of control of my own body. It seems like one part is more defective than the next.

A New Start

     I awoke on Wednesday feeling sad but ready to make a fresh start. I did 4 1/2 miles on the treadmill (something I  hadn't done regularly in awhile, due to swollen ovaries and overall laziness) and recommitted myself to Weight Watchers (I had fallen into the 'I'f I'm Pregnant A Few Extra Reeses Easter Eggs Won't Matter To My Waistline Anyway' mentality in recent weeks, and  fallen off the portion-control wagon).
I decided that if I wasn't pregnant, there was a reason. God doesn't make mistakes and always has a plan. I figure that I should be working on myself to make my body the best possible home for child. It gave me a new-found sense of purpose.

Results Are In

     John and I went for my blood test on Tuesday. We just had a good feeling about the results. I had been having some symptoms (peeing a lot, slight nausea, feeling SO tired) that we felt optimistic about the outcome. I even had John take a picture of my blood draw to record for posterity:

We knew the results wouldn't be in for a few hours, and we had some time to kill before picking Ryan up at preschool, so we went window shopping at Buy Buy Baby. We laughed at the sheer amount of baby stuff there is out there, and talked about how looking at it all wasn't as overwhelming this time around. We discussed what type of crib we would like (since Ryan's is now is headboard and footboard on his full size bed...or will be, once we attach it!) and tried out a few strollers, since Ryan's is just about shot. We picked up Ryan and headed home.

We were totally unprepared for how devastating is was to be told the test was negative. Technically, it was positive, but a 'good' hormone level would have been around 100; mine was eight. With John beside me, I listened as the sympathetic nurse told us how sorry she was, asked if we had any questions, and inquired what time on Thursday I could come into the office to have another blood test and talk to the doctor. I told her I would have to call her back; I just couldn't think at the moment. Luckily for us, our friend Maggie was here and graciously offered to take Ryan back to her house so that we could have a chance to talk. (Ryan heard her and had his shoes on in a flash.)

We didn't really know what to say. Both of us had been so sure of a positive result that it was hard to accept. The nurse had said that Dr. Awadalla wanted to recheck my lab values on Thursday, to make sure that the levels were decreasing back to zero. We decided to just wait to see what he had to say and then move forward from there.

Embryo Transfer Day

     Today was embryo transfer day. John and I agreed that it felt like deja-vu: didn't we just do this? Change into scrubs. Put on surgical hairnets and booties. Bring camera for silly pictures.  :-)
     The lab had six frozen embryos and the plan was to thaw the first three to see if any were viable. They were not. So Dr. Awadalla had them thaw the other set of three, and those looked good. He said that transferring two would be his recommendation; using all three would be 'aggressive' in his opinion. We had conflicting emotions, since the third embryo could not be refrozen and it was a use-it-or-lose-it situation. John and I talked about it and decided to go transfer the two 'best' embryos.
      Dr. Awadalla did our transfer today. He had to make several attempts to get the transfer catheter in place because he said my cervix was 'extremely tight'. Although the catheter was, in reality, very soft and flexible, I felt like he was trying to use a McDonald's drinking straw. I felt a lot of painful jabs and pokes, but he still wasn't making any progress. He tried different sizes of catheter, repostitioned the speculum several times, and used some sort of instrument to attempt to realign my cervix. Nothing worked.
     He finally told me that he was going to give me some medication to help with pain and to relax me. Although I wasn't in terrible pain, I was very uncomfortable and sore and ready to try anything to get the transfer done successfully. So the nurse gave me a shot of Demerol (narcotic pain med) and Phenergan (anti-nausea med often mixed with Demerol) in my butt and we waited about 1/2 hour for it to kick in. During this time, John and I got bored and I started taking pictures of our surroundings. Brace yourself: they were SO exciting:

My view from the table. I did like the sky and clouds on the ceiling. At least for the first hour.Then I wished there was an in-flight movie.

That little door in the wall connected us to the lab. Every few minutes, someone would poke their head thru there to check on us. I resisted the urge to yell 'PEEK-A-BOO!' to scare them since they (literally) had our childrens' lives in their hands.

Ultrasound machine.

Demerol is kicking in. Feeling goooooooood. 

Yes, we really were that bored.

After the meds had time to kick in, Dr. A came back and started the process again. He still had some trouble with the catheter, and it was still quite uncomfortable for me,  but he was able to get the embryos transferred. 

Here we are with our now-empty embryo dish and a photo of the three embryos:

Dr. A did tell us that if I have to have a transfer again (ie- this doesn't take), I would need to be put under general anesthesia due to my tight cervix. He said that he has never had this much trouble with a transfer in all of his years of experience. Leave it to me to be the medical anomaly!
  I slept most of the day while my amazing hubby cleaned the house and took care of Ryan (after Granddad picked him up from preschool and took him to McDonalds for a Happy Meal).  I'm a lucky girl!
 I'm very sore tonight but otherwise feel pretty good.  It will be interesting to read this blog later, when I'm not still high on Demerol. I keep dozing off while waiting for photos to load, so Lord only knows what I'm writing!

Bloodwork

 I went for bloodwork on the 6th (John and Mom's birthdays) and even with taking estrogen supplements three times a day, my estrogen level was still low. So now I am taking the Estrace orally three times a day and vaginally at night. I am also back on the Prometrium three times a day vaginally. Dr. Awadalla did an ultrasound and said my uterine lining looks 'really good', even with the lower estrogen levels. Things are still a 'go' for next Tuesday for the embryo transfer. Dr. A said that they will thaw the first three embryos, and if they do not look good, then they will thaw the other three. He said out of a batch of three frozens, you usually get one or two viable embryos.
     Humana is refusing to pay for the embryo thawing, although they did approve the transfer. I talked to Dr. A's office and they said that this is common and that the office will write off the cost of the thawing. It is so strange to me, though; the thawing is a delicate, vital part of the procedure. How can they approve the transfer and not the thaw? Oh well, at least we will not be responsible for a huge microwave bill!